Crying at the Piano

Crying at the piano

Staring at your picture

My son

Sweet young babies

It is sad

We have lost

But I promise you it’s better.

I did this for you

I left

I fought

We are figuring it out

We still have each other

You are my reasons

I dug down and found grit for you four

It was only later I realized I needed it too.

I never knew my heart could expand four times

I have such a deep and unique love for you all

So different. So brilliant. So beautiful.

Like 4 of the best flowers

Like 4 breathtaking sunsets

Each one shining

Bright

Proud

Captivating

That is how I feel toward you

And you’ll get it more when you parent

It’s incredible the love I have

I’d climb a mountain

I actually did.

The hardest thing I’ve done is leave your dad and stand up for more and better.

I don’t regret it.

It’s sad but it’s right.

Let all the good from all the good people come in and invade our hearts and lives.

Out with the destruction.

From the ashes we rise.

I stand proud. Honest.

Worn down but worthy of great love.

Ready for this adventure.

You’re so innocent. So perfect in innocence.

So deserving of a whole family that loves you.

I hate that I cannot give it to you.

But the cold hard truth is that life has its seasons.

That is what we had then.

It was a mess but it was family.

Now you have 2 homes.

2 birthdays

2 christmases.

I tried to avoid it.

But life surprises you

and 17 year olds don’t know much of anything.

They lack substance and experience.

I planned my whole life based on my 17 yr old knowledge and it failed me.

Now I know better. I’m smarter.

I know our needs and I know I can do this on my own.

Not by stubbornness or default or spite.

But because I have to. I just do. And you’re worth it all.